


Sound of a Heartbeat

by MaxRev



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Anger, F/M, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Relationship(s), Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 04:40:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7345276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxRev/pseuds/MaxRev
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danse and female sole work through an identity crisis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sound of a Heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

> This was written after seeing that gif below on tumblr (thank you @midnightmooncat!), listening to the song When I'm Gone by Three Doors Down, and seeing a prompt sentence. The guy in the gif is my reference or irl Danse.....

** **

 

**“You need to come to your senses.”**

He looks at me and in his eyes I see weariness, defeat---and pain beyond anything imaginable.  He just lost his whole life, his whole existence.  Seeing him look at me with that pain is almost enough to bring me to my knees.  What must it being doing to him?

I cringe in guilt knowing that it was by my own hand that we are standing here right now.  The fact that I hadn’t even known this would happen when I handed that holotape in seems so trivial in this moment.  Instead of moving forward in time, right now I wish desperately for the power to go backwards and change things for him.

“I have come to my senses.  I am an abomination.  I am not human and what I am goes against all that the Brotherhood stands for.  I must be destroyed.” 

So, he has convinced himself that this is the only road he can travel.  With the Brotherhood’s brainwashing of him, I am not entirely surprised.  But damn it, it hurts deep down in my soul to hear him say it.

We have spent a great deal of time together since that first encounter at the Cambridge Police Station, fighting side by side but in essence, suspicious of the other.   In the time since, we have told each other many of our secrets of anger, pain, longings, and regrets.  We have shared in ways that I think he may have only done with Cutler in another life and not since then.  For me, though it has been 200 years, it may have well been yesterday.  I have treasured every one of those moments with him. 

There were times I thought we were beginning to have something more than friendship but I pushed it aside because there was always something getting in the way.  Of course, I was scared of facing it as well.  Now that it could be taken away, I am finding I will fight tooth and nail to keep from losing it.

Thinking back, I try to pinpoint exactly when these feelings surfaced but I can’t.  I ask myself if it really matters right now when it happened.  All that really concerns me right now is that I have come to care for this man—yes, this _man_ —in front of me deeply. 

The compassion, honor, integrity, even the love he has for those under his charge, is what I treasure about him.  He would deny all of it; say it is his duty as a paladin, as a soldier in the Brotherhood.  To me he is more human in all he does, every breath he takes, than in many I have met since I awoke from my frozen condition. 

My eyes follow him as he paces back and forth, long strides filled with the conviction of what needs to be done.  I start to wonder, is he trying to convince me or himself? I realize suddenly that he may not completely buy into the bullshit he's spewing from his mouth about being an abomination.  Might there actually be a chance to convince him otherwise?

I have to try.  As if I would do any less.

“Listen, Danse.” He stops in mid stride and looks over his shoulder at me.  Those eyes touch me, right to my heart.  They are warm, brown and so intense and full of emotion, I just want to wipe away all his pain. 

Walking up to him, I place my hands; one on his heart, the other on his cheek, softly, almost reverently while looking deep into his eyes with my own.  Then, my eyes drop to the one on his heart feeling it beating so hard and so fast beneath my fingers.

“Underneath this hand is a heart—your heart—that is full of pain when you lose a fellow Brotherhood soldier, when you can’t fix those whose life you fight for, when you can’t help those around you.  A heart that feels pride in accomplishing a goal or having missions go right.  A heart that feels joy when you look around and see those you care for so deeply enjoying life or...” I pause and my mouth ticks up in the corner as I slyly look up at him through my lashes, “when you find a box of Fancy Lad snack cakes.”

I wait for any reaction to that last quip, hoping I can break through to him with humor, knowing all the while that this is a life changing event for him and there really isn't even room for laughter.  Yet, as always, that is my fallback in times of seriousness and I just can't help myself.

Throughout my speech, he had been looking down at the hand I held over his heart.  At the mention of the snack cakes, his eyes snapped up to mine.  His eyes crinkled just slightly at the corners and there was just a slight twitch at the corner of his mouth.  It wasn’t much but I felt the mood shift enough for me to continue.

Staring intently into his eyes, I wanted to make sure he saw that I meant every word and was completely committed to him and all that he was to me. 

“You have saved so many lives while serving the Brotherhood.  You have saved settlers lives while traveling through the Commonwealth.  You have believed in a better world and have done everything in your power to make that happen.  I don’t know anyone around me who has more passion for what they do and compassion for those they work with.”

I watched him intently as his attitude started to change.  I could see my words having an effect on him and I let go of the breath I hadn’t even realized I had been holding. 

Startled, I felt his hand, rough against mine, come up and hold the one against his heart.  “Thank you.  It means a lot to have someone like you say such things about me.  We both know that Maxson won’t let me live. I appreciate all that you are trying to do but know that I go to my death willingly and unafraid—and grateful for having you as a friend.”

Anger burst upon me so fast, I had no time to check it. I pushed him so hard, he stumbled back, almost falling but managing to catch himself.  His eyes opened wide in surprise and his mouth dropped open.

“NO!” I shouted.  “I will not let you do this! I will convince Maxson and you will not end your life.  You are worth more than all the Brotherhood together!”

My chest was heaving and my body shaking with a rage I could barely contain.  Breathing in and out slowly, I struggled to suppress it, knowing I had possibly ruined all that I had tried to achieve with my outburst.  To make matters worse, the anger had produced tears that threatened to fall as I was overwhelmed by my own guilt of having put us here in the first place. 

I was startled out of my reverie by a gentle but firm hand on my shoulder.  Danse was trying to comfort me instead.  How ironic.  I wanted to laugh but if I did, I might never stop.  I felt his thumb brush the skin softly underneath my eye and felt wetness with the motion.  A tear had escaped after all.

He gently lifted my chin, raising my face so my eyes could meet his.  “Never, in all of my life, has anyone ever shed tears over me.  I am honored that you feel this way.  You have convinced me that my life is worth living and I will do all I can to persuade Maxson to let me live.”

Overwhelmed by emotion, I grabbed him and held him tight, leaning my head on his chest.  The sound of his heartbeat felt good against my ears, calming my own heart and filling me with a profound sense of the world being right at this moment in time. 

He stiffened in my embrace as if he didn't know what to do.  The corners of my mouth lifted in a smile. This was the awkward, self-conscious Danse; the one that I loved and would never let go, regardless of the outcome with Maxson and what life would be for him without the Brotherhood. 

Then his arms went around me and his chin rested on my head. 

Life was complete—at least for now.


End file.
